I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Someone came in the potted fern
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
