Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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