they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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