i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
