Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
