I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
