her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
