you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
