Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize