I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
