In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize