DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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