He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
