all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
