Where is the hickey?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
