and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
