My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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