That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
