Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize