Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
