ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
