We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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