why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
