if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
