oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
