I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
