went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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