you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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