I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
