I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
