Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
