grandma shit on top of the toilet
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
