my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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