my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize