i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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