i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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