went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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