Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Randomize
