God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
