So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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