I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
