I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
