I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
