There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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