wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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