ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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