So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
