Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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