Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize