I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
