R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
