Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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