i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
