i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
