I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
