what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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