Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
