you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
