No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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