And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
