so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize